Politics: People Are Strange.

It’s tough to get a grasp of what the ‘average Aussie’ is thinking when it comes to politics. Firstly, Australia is far too varied a place to pin down what the average Aussie actually looks or sounds like. And secondly, most people don’t really seem to give a toss. For the all the election coverage saturation in the media, many punters don’t seem to have noticed there’s an election coming up our collective rear. More people took in Australian Idol than the Latham-Howard debate, and political apathy had a lot more to do with that than Amali’s boobs... although they are good boobs, aren't they?

Indeed. But fuck, why not get involved in a bit of pre-election conjecture? The latest polls show voters are starting to get in to Latham’s dinky-di, fair dinkum rhetoric. His approval rating – according to the Australian – rose from a mid-July level of 75% to a current 78%, whilst Howard’s is at a meagre 66%.

But before the Labor supporters start poppin’ the champers, they should remember a bizarre anomaly that is Howard’s popularity: he is a largely distrusted and disliked man, and yet people still vote for the Liberal party. He’s consistently portrayed in the media as a liar, thief and a scoundrel, and yet people still stand by his party. Taxi drivers will slag him off for ‘lying to us about Iraq’ and then laud him for ‘fighting terrorism.’ Middle-class whiteys will decry his ‘terrible education policies’ and then applaud his tax cuts. Resistance members will repeatedly chant ‘No Blood For Oil!’ until their parents tell them to fuck off, but they’re all secretly voting for Howard so they have something to whinge about.

Yes, we’re a conflicted nation. Remember Howard’s approval rating of 66% quoted above? In the same poll, 47% of voters name him as their preferred prime minister (although 37% side with Latham). Are people stupid? How can they openly approve of and admire one man and then vote for the other? Probably because they think Howard will give them tax cuts, the fuckers.

Calling this election is impossible: if Labor loses, it will be by a very small margin thanks to their predictable preferences deal with the Greens (who are expected to rake in more than the 8% of votes they scored in the last election). So then, let us leave it up to the Internet punters to tell us how they think the voting will go. After all, is there a more accurate barometer of a nation’s political feelings than a punch of terrible geeks posting inane shit on the Internet? No. No, there isn’t.

‘ThE wOrM’ tell us he’ll be voting Latham: . ‘his name sounds cooler. john howard sounds too... american. you need a good name like mike hunt(say it together now).’

‘Dax’ is confused by the whole ‘is Howard honest’ question: ‘What has john howard lier about??” ‘Fred’explains the problem: “Fuck Howard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [etc.].”

‘timmah’ gives us this insight: “does Mark Latham think he is what is "best" for the Australians? This coming from the guy who smoked pot and inhaled as a teenager :P.”

‘sane’ tells us about his pro-Howard bent: “we've only seen Latham as a complaining opposition leader with no real substance besides playing popularity politics, and we've seen no signs of the characterisitics or abilities required of a prime minister.”

‘TheSaint’ sums up the opinion of The Brag: “I think it's time for a change...;)’

(Originally published in The Brag in the Fear & Loathing column).